Hi! Welcome to TV Tuesday! This week I’m going to be talking all about season five of True Blood.

We start the new season having to watch what happened at the end of last season. Sad, but Lafayette comes to help, even though it’s kinda no use. It’s Pam who shows up because she thinks Eric shows up.

Well Bill wanted to show up but Eric said no, so Bill goes anyways and so Eric is forced to go and they get captured, but I’m not sure by who.

That’s when they blow up a car and we meet someone named Nora. Uhm okay?! Who’s Nora? Eric seems to be in love with this woman. Ew she’s his sister, why are they making out? Ohhhh by sister he means they have the same maker. Oooooo

I don’t know what mission these two are on, I hope it becomes clear soon.

Lafayette demands Pam to turn Tara into a vampire, even though she hates them, Lafayette wants to give her a chance at living again. He also wants to say goodbye to Jesus but his body is now missing… interesting.

So Pam agrees to try to turn her, so we’ll see.

Then there’s Jason and Steve, from the fellowship of the sun; I guess he’s no longer associated with them anymore since he can’t be against what he is. Steve just shows up out of nowhere and he’s now a vampire. He claims that he doesn’t know how to do anything a vampire so he says he can’t glamour him, but then turn around and glamours Jason. Steve then tells Jason that he’s a gay vampire who is in love with him, but Jason doesn’t like him that way. This upsets Steve but Jessica comes to his rescue.

So something is up with Terry. His friend from the navy, Patrick is in town (I’m so happy to see Scott Foley!) Arleen wants to know about Terry’s past as he saved Patrick’s life when he was in the army, but Terry doesn’t want to relive any of it. Turns out Patrick came back because something’s come up and he thinks Terry can help, but Terry doesn’t want to help.

Russel is alive! He broke out of the concrete that he was buried in, go figure.

Marcus’s pack are after Sam because they think Sam killed him. Sam isn’t about to sell Alcide out so he takes the blame. In the end Sam brings the pack to Marcus’s body but Alcide shows up and tells them it was him not Sam. That’s when Marcus’s parents start eating their son, it’s so gross.

Pam gets up, but when Tara doesn’t it’s really sad, that is until Tara bursts out of the dirt and comes for Sookie. Oh shit. Is she going to be an angry vampire? Yes she is. They are having so much trouble taming her. Tara tells them she will never forgive them for turning her. This could be a troublesome plot.

It’s taken 5 seasons but we’re getting some back story on Pam and how she was changed. She was a prostitute and Eric first saves her life, then took a liking her to. And it’s through Pam’s flashback we see how Bill and Eric met: through Bill and his lovers sexcapades. Bill was draining Pam’s hookers.

Oof, so Pam wants to become a vampire, she is so in love with Eric that she cuts her wrists so that he turns her.

It’s interesting how much she loves Eric. I never thought she actually loved him, just that he was her maker and the bond they share because of it; who knew there was this whole backstory, I’m liking it, it makes me like Pam more.

Sooooo it’s the people who where in charge of Nan, she was the face of the vampires, are the ones who have kidnaped, and tortured Bill and Eric. They are being punished the true death for killing Nan.

Now Bill wants to make deal, spare their lives for Russell’s. The authority don’t want to believe that Russell is alive. We’ll see how this goes down.

One of the first things they do is make Steve their new spokesperson, oh boy.

Jason has run into an old teacher of his who he used to have a fling with, it’s a very strange plot.

Aww Jason. Jessica comes over to sleep with him (after her weird experience with this guy. She could smell his blood and it was the best thing she’s ever smelt, which makes me wonder what that guy is cuz I bet he’s not human). Jessica wants Jason though, but Jason doesn’t want to be used for sex; he tells her that he’s got a big whole in his heart that he’s been filling with sex for years and he doesn’t want that anymore. So Jessica says she will be his friend. Hmm.

Now words got out that Debbie is missing. They find her car abandoned and now her parents are looking for her. Of course Alcide doesn’t know anything about it, but Sookie isn’t saying anything. The truth is bound to come out sooner or later.

And I think sooner rather than later as Alcide tries to warn Sookie about Debbie but Sookie just wants Alcide to go, and he thinks that’s strange. Well that’s when we find out Tara’s a vampire. But Sookie finally admits to Alcide what she’s done. He’s mad that she wasn’t going to tell him. Which I understand.

Well after this, Tara hates it all she goes to a tanning bed, to try and kill herself. Something tells me she’s not going to die.

It’s Pam that stops her because as her maker she can command her.

Uhhhhmmmm what is this new look Hoyt is going for? Eyeliner and black fishnets. Does he want to attract attention?

Well things are starting to get complicated. There is a trader amongst the vampires and they are trying to find out who is on Russell’s side. Eric thinks it was Pam who released Russell and that makes Pam, I’m not sure if she’s more angry or sad. Those two are really hitting a very rough patch. I do like that they reconcile eventually.

Sookie is so mad at herself that she goes to Jason to confess everything. Lord when Jason finds out she killed someone was one thing, finding out Tara is a vampire his face was priceless. Obviously he doesn’t want to turn his sister in, so we’ll see where this go.

Bill is being all sappy to Jessica saying he thinks he’s done well is so strange as Jessica pleads for him to go to Sookie because of how awful she’s been feeling. Sookie’s car gets wrecked and she jumps out to save herself, interesting.

After this she gets very drunk and Lafayette is worried, although I think he’s more worried about himself than for her. He wants to tell her something, and it seems bad.

Then Alcide goes to see her to tell her that he told Debbie’s parents that she’s dead, but he told them it was Marcus who killed her. He still wants to protect Sookie. I wouldn’t be surprised if they end up together.

Because then they start making out… go figure.

Soon the head vampire finds out that it was this kid vampire who was the trader and he commands that no one disobey and step out of line again.

Andy and Jason end up at a farie club (which was what Jessica had smelt earlier this season!!!!) that’s where Jason runs into his cousin and learns more than he bargained for. She tells him that he and Sookie need to stay away from the vampires because of their blood, because that’s how their parents died. But obviously the fairies want to keep that from him because his cousin gets in trouble and Jason starts a bit of a fight.

Bill and Eric are now using Sookie to find out who let out Russell. Using her mind reading abilities she reads the guard from the construction site where Russell was buried to find out it was a woman who unburied Russell. Turns out it was Nora, and that’s why the authorities are holding Nora prisoner because Nora believes in what Russell represents, which is bad. Obviously Eric is not happy about that.

So now they are of to find Russell. It’s Sookie who gets them there once more and they want to get rid of her once they get there, but Sookie is not having any of it. She tells them it’ll be her protecting them from Russell not the other way around.

Well they find Russell and it looks like it’s going to be a good fight as Russell tells them to give it their best shot.

Terry and Patrick go out to find this guy, a guy who they think is dangerous from the army, and they find out in fact he is dangerous as he holds them hostage at gun point. Lord, this guy, Tyler is obsessed with fire and he thinks the fire monster is after them all for what they did in the army; but they’re still being very secretive as what it is they actually did.

So Terrry killed a woman and her son, and it’s haunted him because she cursed him with fire right before she died. Then when they burned all the bodies there was this monster that came out of the flames. Terry tells Tyler that that is what this monster has been waiting for, to get all the soldiers together so that it can kill them. Patrick still doesn’t believe in it, but Terry does.

Oh shit! The fire monster does come and it looks to kill Tyler.

Are Jessica and Tara going to become friends? Since they are both are new vampires. I think I kinda like this blossoming friendship.

Weeeeeell so much for their friendship as Tara feeds on this still funny dressing Hoyt, and of course Jessica is pissed!

While Lafayette is sleeping Jesus’s head wakes him up with his mouth sewed shut. Then he shows up at Lafayette’s mother’s bedside and she’s not scared at all, but she seems to understand Jesus, and she begins to yell for Lafayette. Well Lafayette goes to visit his mother and she tells him that Jesus loves him. Okay so does she mean Jesus from the Bible or Jesus his boyfriend?

Oh dear lord! The guys who shot Sam’s shifter friends end up shooting him, and when his girlfriend Luna comes out to him she gets shot too! Noooo! Then Luna’s daughter Emma leaves the house, but she shifts before she can get shot.

Well they make it to the hospital and they are alive. Luna’s daughter ends up going to Marcus’s mother, her grandmother. That’s who takes Emma to her mother, I hope they can set aside their differences.

I thought Sookie couldn’t be glanoured. But Bill glamours her and tells her she won’t remember the last night and that they never met. Ooookay?

After taking down Russell, they don’t want Sookie or Alcide to remember any of it.

Eric glamours Alcide to making sure that he takes care of Sookie, but Eric doesn’t want Alcide to be romantically involved, so he tells her Sookie kinda disgusts her, good one.

Ohhh so Sookie was just playing, she remembers everything and she has to give Alcide his memories back. Now they’re both pissed. Now Alcide wants his pack back and so he goes to fight for it.

When Bill and Eric return to the authorities they are all happy to see the two as they took down Russell. But there is definitely some animosity between Eric and the head guardian.

Eric believes in nothing, but the guardian doesn’t believe that and now that they’re going to execute Russell Eric wants to see Nora to get answers, but he doesn’t really get them.

Nora believes that Lilith will come and save them, and Nora tells Eric that it was Lilith who recused Russell.

In the end it’s Russell who takes down the guardian and kills him. So much for the piece they want. Now that Russell has power, things are going to get insane.

Terry is freaking out. He thinks he needs to get away before this smoke monster gets them all. Arleen thinks he’s off his meds, but Terry insists he’s not, so she tells him to go. 😦 😦 😦

Jason tells Sookie about all the dreams he’s been having and how he was told that they didn’t die in a flood. Now Sookie is intrigued and thinks she needs to save her cousin. Sookie doesn’t trust the fairies and her cousin doesn’t trust anything outside of the fairies.

We learn that it wasn’t their parents’ blood that the vampires smelt that got them killed, it was a bandaid that had Sookie’s blood on it that led to their death, oof.

Well we find out that she can run out of her power. Because she’s only part fairy her powers can be drained out, and once they do she’ll become human, this is interesting.

So Sam has recruited Andy to take down the people who are shooting at him. Andy ends up shooting one of them because he was going to get them.

This group of haters find Hoyt and turns out they are a group of guys he knows and went to school with. Aw noooo Hoyt, he’s selling Jessica out and they’re going to go after her and kill her.

Oof Eric hates Nora with so much passion. Damn. I understand where he’s coming from. We find out that it wasn’t Nora who dug Russell out, but the chancellor because she believes in Russell and wants power, also she wanted the guardian (who she was married too) dead. But she had to do it the way she did because they are following the Bible. Now the chancellor wants Eric and Bill to join them, Nill is on the fence while Eric is completely against it.

They want to bring their new leader Lilith to show herself so by doing so they drink her blood. Eric thinks it’ll do nothing, but really it makes them real angry and almost drunk.

While they are all feeding Lilith appears to them and they comply with what she wants, but Godrick appears to Eric to tell him it’s wrong and he should fight against Lilith.

Lafayette goes to visit Jesus’s grandfather, but for what purpose? Because all his grandfather does is torture and curse him. We think he’s going to kill Lafayette so that he can put Lafayette’s blood in his pregnant wife’s body, but than bam, his wife up and kills Jesus’s grandfather! What?! I did not see that coming.

Oh boy, Pam has Tara stripping and guess who walks in… her mother and her mother just disowns her for being a vampire like she chose it. That must hurt. When she goes to hide and cry it’s Pam who comforts her and it’s actually very sweet.

So Patrick and Terry wait for the smoke monster to come and kill them. Well it comes but it doesn’t kill them, so Terry takes Patrick’s gun and wants to shoot himself. Patrick has to talk him out of it. Seeing Terry so torn up is heartbreaking.

So Sookie tries her hardest to get rid of her powers, but it’s Jason who stops and talks her out of it. The conversation the two of them have so beautiful. They truly care for one another. Now they are going to use her powers to find out who killed her parents.

A bunch of fairies go to the place her parents were killed to see if they can use the energies and her powers to figure out who the vampire is that killed them. Well Sookie starts in the point of view of her mother, then she becomes the vampire.

Well this is bad because the fairies aren’t supposed to associate with the vampires. Well now this vampire is haunting and stalking Sookie, oh no.

Because there are people shooting off all the creatures Luna is pisssd. Sam tells her she needs rest… instead she turns into Sam… why does everyone turn into Sam, ha! That’s how she escapes.

She goes to the police station and asks Andy if he’s seen Sam, ha! Watching there be two Sam’s is kinda funny!

I think there are more than one group of haters out there that make this giant group because the group who Hoyt joins bring Jessica back and they want Hoyt to kill her. Boo! Well at least he doesn’t kill her but he still doesn’t like her.

It’s Sam… and Sam with Andy who come to save Jessica.

We get this backstory on Bill. One of the vampires wants to sacrifice a human to become a vampire and he can’t do it. It brings up memories of his daughter and how she wanted to live and be turned into a vampire but Bill wouldn’t do it. He doesn’t think he can with this woman, but I guess he does in the end.

I like the relationship blossoming between Tara and Pam. Pam has Tara’s back and it’s really nice to see.

Alcide has to fight for his role as pack master. He’s going against a guy named JD, a well respected guy in the pack. Things take so many drastic turns that in the end JD wants to kill Alcide, but it’s Marcus’s mother who tells him to go because killing someone will tarnish the pack.

Ooooooh shit! So Arleen has this smart idea to use Lafayette to pretend to conjure the spirit of the lady who cursed them so that she can have Terry back. Lafayette agrees, only when they start pretending, it starts to become real and things get scary! In the end Terry has to kill Patrick.

So we’re calling this hate group the Obama’s because they are wearing Obama masks. Jessica thinks something happened to Hoyt because she can’t feel him anymore.

So Sookie uses Lafayette to see if he can see the vampire spirit that is haunting her, instead he gets her grandmother and that starts them on finding out who killed her parents. Now she’s gone to Bud, a retired cop, the one who worked the case to try and find out more. When she finds he knows nothing, she gets hit in the head with a frying pan by this woman… what in the hell?!?!

She wakes up in a pig pen, and he finds Hoyt… high and asleep. Shit Bud and his woman are part of the Obamas!!

Jason and Andy figure out their leader is this guy they call the dragon, but they are all afraid of him. Omg is Bud the dragon!?!?!? His cowboy boots gave him away. The woman is the dragon… she’s a complete and utter freakshow.

They were going to feed Hoyt and Sookie to the pigs, but Sam saves them as he was shifted as one of the pigs! In the end most of the Obamas flee, but Andy shoots Bud.

It’s Luna who goes after the dragon and punches her out.

Hoyt is dying, which sucks at least Jason is with him.

Patrick has taken Arleen captive because he doesn’t want Terry to kill him. So what is it going to be a showdown? Terry with no weapons against Patrick with a gun? It’s Arleen who stabs Patrick in the neck and she gets ahold of the gun turning the tables on him.

In the end Terry does shoot him, the spirit lifts the curse and the smoke monster takes Patrick.

Eric is still trying to change Nora’s mind about leaving and following in Godrick’s plan. He’s trying desperately to leave, but the tech girl isn’t helping much and Bill is just going along with everything the Lilith loving group throw at him.

It’s Nora who is also trying to convert Eric, and I think she’s winning. Oooooor he’s playing, oh I think he’s playing! He leads Nora to a trap so that he can leave, he doesn’t want to leave without Bill, but when Bill shows up he’s brought reinforcements and it’s not to help Eric. He has become a traitor! Noooooooo!

Shit now that Eric is gone, Pam has lost control of the club, there’s a new vampire sherif in town, who believes in the ways of Russell and wants everyone to feast on humans. This is going to be bad.

Wow in the end the wolves or Russell chooses JD as the new pack master. But really it was all the get to Emma, Luna’s daughter, oh shit.

Who knew you could use chop sticks as a stake? Well Sookie does just that! So the blood supply is becoming hard to find, the true blood is ending and the new rules seem to be find blood where you can, and that’s why this vampire attacks Sookie.

They’re going to run out of Lilith’s blood at the rate that they keep trying to convince Eric to choose Lilith. Well not Eric and Nora take the blood and guess who shows up… Godrick and he tries to make Nora see the right way, but then Lilith shows up and kills Godrick, that’s tragic.

Damn, now Hoyt is going to Alaska for a fresh start. Wow that’s a big move, but considering everything that’s happened to him, I kinda don’t blame him. Before he leaves he wants Jessica to glamour him so he can stop thinking about her, and he wants Jason gone too, daaaamn.

Ready to give up on finding their parents killer, Jason gives it one last go and finds a mysterious box in the floor. They find this script that they take to get translated, only it doesn’t translate to anything… in English. Hmm. Accident fairy text perhaps? They go to the fairy club but claim they can’t read it because they are too young (at 130) so they get Maurella a 500 year old fairy who is pregnant… okay so she slept with Andy last season… so uhm is that Andy’s baby?

They find out it’s a contract that claims the first born daughter… meaning Sookie.

Sookie then meets the eldest fairy who her great, great, great grandfather knew so that she can find out why her grandfather sold her to the vampire. She gets so close to finding out who the vampire when Jason interrupts them to say Russell is after her, that’s when the fairy freaks out.

Uhhhhh so Bill is now going to involve Jessica in his crazy group. Speaking of this group, Eric is now joining them… but I still have a feeling he’s faking it. Then again he never sounds serious about anything.

In order to save her daughter, Luna and Sam decide to chase Steve (because Steve and Russell are a couple who have adopted Emma, it’s weird.) They change into mice until they find her.

Wow Russell doesn’t really care about Lilith he wants to walk in the day!

So Bill is hearing and seeing Lilith and she’s telling him she chooses him as a leader. Has anyone stopped to think that it’s possible all of this is a hallucination from a vampire drinking vampire blood? Since it does crazy things to humans, who’s to say it doesn’t to vampires.

Ha, so now Nora sees Eric’s side and they are going to try and escape. This should be good. They manage to get away when Eric kills a human, a very powerful human to them. They must go and glamour everyone to erase memories.

Jessica also manages to get away when she tells she wants to change Jason into a vampire.

I WAS RIGHT!!! That is Andy’s baby! Apparently he slept with her a week before and now she’s full blown pregnant… the life of a fairy.

Ha, so when Jessica goes to Pam to seek shelter, Pam informs us that they are nesting, when vampires get together and start drinking each other’s blood they go crazy… so I was right I a sense.

Ah shit! Jessica doesn’t get very far because the creator of their sherif (Alaija, the guy Tara just killed) comes to find out who killed him, Pam says she does it and so she gets arrested, but the woman also smells Jessica. This is not good.

Ugggghhhhh Bill has gone bananas, he’s now killing all the vampires in his group because he’s “the chosen one” but Lilith is telling that to all of them. Lord.

Russell does come for Sookie, they use the oldest fairy to protect them, but Russell is too powerful and he drinks her dry. Yikes!

It’s Eric to the rescue!! He kills Russell!

Well Jason isn’t having any of it, so he wants to kill all the vampires, and his fairy family agree, but Sookie wants him to stop.

Then there is Andy. He obviously needs to talk to Holly about Maurella and he’s about to, when she goes into labor. Her “light” breaks and she just gives birth… to four baby girls. Then what does Maurella do, she tells him to look after them and leaves. Damn! I don’t think Holly is going to be staying with him much longer.

We’re back to the JD and Alcide pack master plot line. It’s kinda been floating through the season, but Alcide hasn’t really been doing much, after losing pack master he’s gone to stay with his father… that is until Marcus’s mother shows up with one of the wolves high on V. He has to help her and that’s when he fights JD again and once and for all fight and he wins pack master. Go Alcide!

OMG what did I just watch?!?!? So Sam and Luna are still on the hunt for Emma. They hatch this crazy plan, that just might work. Luna shifts into Steve to try and take Emma, but she gets intercepted by one of the vampires and she’s forced to make this speech live on air, but while live she starts to shift back and that’s she tells or tries to tell the world what these vampires are doing. The vampire is furious and about to eat her, until Sam the fly flies into her mouth and kills her from the inside!!! Damn!!!

So I guess it’s safe to say Jason has joined Sookie, Tara and Eric. So now they are on to take down the crazy vampires.

Oooookay, so Pam and Tara are a thing. I love how Jessica called it like episodes before, she was so happy when she sees them kiss! They definitely are adorable.

I thought Bill was supposed to drink all of Lilith’s blood, but it’s the chancellor who does. Well it sucks because she starts to die. Oh shit, Bill tricked her!!! He put silver in the blood so he could kill her and be the only one Lilith chooses. This shit is all kinds of fucked up!

And now Sookie and Eric are going to save him? Why. Bill just speaks mean things to Sookie. And yet she still tries to convince him he’s different.

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK?!?!?!  So Sookie doesn’t convince him because he drinks the blood anyways. At first he bleeds from everywhere and then he explodes as all vampires die.

BUT THEN HE COMES BACK?!? Now looks like Lilith did, naked, covered in blood.

OH SHIT!